Clinical Interventions in Systemic Couple and Family Therapy by Roberto Pereira & Juan Luis Linares

Author:Roberto Pereira & Juan Luis Linares
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Springer International Publishing, Cham

Third: When Love Ends… If It Is Love, It Does Not End!

The first marriage of 71-year-old António was with Sara and it lasted for 30 years. They had 3 children, aged 29, 27, and 25, all of them living and working abroad, very close to each other and in the company of their mother. After his father passed away, António formalised the divorce and lived alone for 5 years. The second marriage with 57-year-old Eva lasted 5 years and they had no children.

António is a renowned and successful lawyer, just like his father and grandfather. The family of António is very conservative, where the unlimited authoritarianism of his father and the unconditional submission of his mother were always known. As the older son of a family with three children, he had the responsibility to carry on the ancient family values. The middle brother committed suicide after a deep depression and the youngest sister initiated problematic behaviour from a young age, which took up all of the mother’s attention and increased the distance of the father.

Eva is a painter and has many hobbies related to nature. Considered the “black sheep” of the family, Eva overcome many obstacles from her family, which, just like the family of António, is very conservative. She chose to live a life based on aesthetics, pleasure, and enjoying each and every moment. She had many occasional love affairs but without any strings attached. At the age of 51, Eva is allured by the vast culture of António and, in his turn, he is enamoured by her unique beauty.

They were both in need of affection and fell deeply in love. António, at the age of 65, allows himself to experience a lifestyle which was unknown to him up until that day, and a complete opposite to his own experience. He is living in a cluttered house, has no schedules for meals, takes care of several animals living at home, goes on vacations without destination… and he discovers, for the first time, his qualities as a passionate lover. After 4 years living with Eva, António suffers a minor stroke related to overwork. From that day on, the couple’s life began to suffer a snowballing change. António has frequent headaches and other somatic complaints, and turns inwards, declining social interaction and trying to bring his rules from the past to his everyday life. The desire starts fading and he avoids physical contact. The adaptation of Eva is sympathetic at first, but she starts showing an increasing disenchantment and intolerance.

When the therapeutic process started, the couple was living a breaking period. Building systemic stories, using sculpture, pursuing the settlement of myths and beliefs, understanding the stories… nothing worked in the couple’s reconciliation. They decided to proceed with the divorce and, together, we aligned different life paths for each one, where the beautiful story of their encounter could be kept. Unexpectedly, Eva leaves home and immediately starts dating António’s best friend.

António returns all by himself to the appointment and asks me for help discovering his true identity and restore his relational life.

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